Just when i thought i got my bearings...

I write to my blog at the late hour or early morning ,whichever one you find more appropiate, about my very wierd life...( most of this is senseless rambling so if you cant be bothered reading useless info stop now and go do soemthing else)

The past term and a half ( give or take 15 weeks ) for me has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me... I went crazy over a girl, something i thought that could never happen to me... , i pursued happiness , found it , had it bitch slap me in the face and walk out on me... then i attempted to find it again and now i am in state of utter confusion.

During the last few weeks , i've been filling myself up with an artificial happiness, a materialistic happiness...( yes i know i said i wasn't a materialistic type of guy a few post back but meh who knew eh?). I've stuffed myself with camping goods, gym equipment and a new bed in order to make me feel better about the situations. But this happiness can only go so far... until you notice that no matter how much stuff you buy , there will always be an empty space in you. A space you can't fill with things , but rather ... someone? ( don't think dirty alrights?)

Well during the one and a half term i've also been trying to do that... blindly too...
The hardest thing in life you can ever do i would say is read another person's heart. Emotions are easy, you look at their stance, facial expressions , movement and most importantly their tone of voice... and from their emotions you can always deduce their actions or future actions whichever is appropiate in the situations... How do i know this you ask? It's called agro asian parents and alot of TV. Whether or not mentioned before but i grew up in a "hostile" environment, i remember as a kid the one thing i was most afraid of were my parents, i noticed that their moods would be a factor in their results when i asked them for something or to do something ... so at a young age i learned how to read emotions and hence actions. Using logic you can always work out the reaction of another persons action i guess, while there may be many reactions that are possible , one of them is bound to be right...

Lately i've set myself a goal and pursued it with great persistance... until tonight...
Ages ago i said to myself, when shit happens after 12am its bad ... no matter what... and all i should do is ignore it and go to sleep... Which right now leads think why am i still up typing this but hell i know i can't sleep even if i wanted to... I recieved a call just as i finished watching the new movie dad had rented ( The Dark Knight) and it's caller ID was under blocked, meaning its a private number so the rules out 90% of the people i know ... and because its midnight , it must be urgent... so that rules out another 5 % which narrows it down to 2 people ... both of which i won't name for the time being.

Right now i cant go into any detail about the call as i was asked not to reveal anything for now so i'll respect those wishes and say nothing except ... i really didn't expect it

So once again i'm tossed into the darkness of confusion and gotta climb my way out like always T_________________T