yayyy!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Guys!
also Happy Birthday Paul! 17 years old and old enough to know better but too young to care eh?

Yesterday i asked shirley out and she said yes =D
so on friday we're going city ^^' adn we're going to watch "bedtime stories" ! ... movie looks cool xD

not such a bad christams and year for me after all eh

anyways now im uber happy and chirpy =DD

Just when i thought i got my bearings...

I write to my blog at the late hour or early morning ,whichever one you find more appropiate, about my very wierd life...( most of this is senseless rambling so if you cant be bothered reading useless info stop now and go do soemthing else)

The past term and a half ( give or take 15 weeks ) for me has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me... I went crazy over a girl, something i thought that could never happen to me... , i pursued happiness , found it , had it bitch slap me in the face and walk out on me... then i attempted to find it again and now i am in state of utter confusion.

During the last few weeks , i've been filling myself up with an artificial happiness, a materialistic happiness...( yes i know i said i wasn't a materialistic type of guy a few post back but meh who knew eh?). I've stuffed myself with camping goods, gym equipment and a new bed in order to make me feel better about the situations. But this happiness can only go so far... until you notice that no matter how much stuff you buy , there will always be an empty space in you. A space you can't fill with things , but rather ... someone? ( don't think dirty alrights?)

Well during the one and a half term i've also been trying to do that... blindly too...
The hardest thing in life you can ever do i would say is read another person's heart. Emotions are easy, you look at their stance, facial expressions , movement and most importantly their tone of voice... and from their emotions you can always deduce their actions or future actions whichever is appropiate in the situations... How do i know this you ask? It's called agro asian parents and alot of TV. Whether or not mentioned before but i grew up in a "hostile" environment, i remember as a kid the one thing i was most afraid of were my parents, i noticed that their moods would be a factor in their results when i asked them for something or to do something ... so at a young age i learned how to read emotions and hence actions. Using logic you can always work out the reaction of another persons action i guess, while there may be many reactions that are possible , one of them is bound to be right...

Lately i've set myself a goal and pursued it with great persistance... until tonight...
Ages ago i said to myself, when shit happens after 12am its bad ... no matter what... and all i should do is ignore it and go to sleep... Which right now leads think why am i still up typing this but hell i know i can't sleep even if i wanted to... I recieved a call just as i finished watching the new movie dad had rented ( The Dark Knight) and it's caller ID was under blocked, meaning its a private number so the rules out 90% of the people i know ... and because its midnight , it must be urgent... so that rules out another 5 % which narrows it down to 2 people ... both of which i won't name for the time being.

Right now i cant go into any detail about the call as i was asked not to reveal anything for now so i'll respect those wishes and say nothing except ... i really didn't expect it

So once again i'm tossed into the darkness of confusion and gotta climb my way out like always T_________________T

i like kites =D

Well that was quite a week for me
Monday went tutoring , didn't do anything cause we were about to start a new topic and tuan didnt want to start a new topic cause we would end up forgeting it over the holidays so we revised and ate pizza. It was a fun "lesson".
Tuesday, Shirley and I went to Parramatta then to Livopool. Oddly enough we spent more time on the trains and wait for them then actually in Westfields. We went para, went myers tried to look for a Paul Frank's pencil case for Hanny's and I Kris Kringle thingy. We ended up callign the Kris Kringle cause she couldn't find ema present and i wasn't sure if the pencil case if me and shirley found was the right one.. Later on we went to livo and i ate kfc x. We walked around livo's westfield for a while then we walked back to the station and we hugged then she took the bus home and i went home by train. i dunno why but that day was fun for me ... =D
On Thursday i got back my 3 unit and i did suprisingly good. I even did better then my 2unit result. Probably the first time i ever got so close to jack's mark xD and i beat chris too ^^
Friday stayed at home and did the last second packing and took a train to the campsite. man the trains going down south are so far apart and take ages to get anywhere T____T. We got to the campsite and laid around while vio kicked his soccer ball around and occasionally at us T___T.The other parents started arriving within a few hours, and started setting up the base in which we would be living over the weekend. Turned out the parents had put together a dining fly ready to put up... a proper dining fly too ^^'. Use vent took our time to build our excessively big tent which could easily fit 10 people even though we had 6 people acutally sleeping in it... make it 4 cause Vio and his brother ended up sleeping outside on a borrowed stretcher cause he wanted to feel a bit extreme... lol? If anyone was to ever see an asian invasion ro infestation you wouldn't have to look far, at around 4 there were 3 asian kid and 2 aussie kids on the campsite and by time night had fallen on us the whole campsite was infested with asian . Us vents went out and bought pizza for dinner as we had located a hot food shop up the road earlier.
Saturday woke up early , chucked on my "...meh" shirt, walked down to the beach and help set up the volley ball nets and the court on the sand whiel the little kids ran around on the beach generally wasting their energy. We spent the next 2 hours playing volley ball on the sand against various teams of parents. Winning all our games 3 sets to 0. Volleyball on the beach with little kids and parents cheering at you? Badass =) Afterwards the kites came out and we attempted to fly kites. Because the kites where stunt kites the were a bit hard to get a hang on on the first try but eventually we got used to them. It was funny as we would try to make the kites sweep down and attack anyone within its reaches ... all of course failed as the kites usually crashed into the group from sweeping too low or not enough pull to bring it back up. We played around with the kites for awhile then retired and sat around till we couldnt be bothered any more. We all ended up sleeping for a few hours before some more parents came up and we were called out to help out with the scouts initiation cermony. We blindfolded them and walked them straight into the water at the beach. And just to make it more fun , we made it so when ever we called out jump they had to jump or when ever we called out bend they had to bend over and reach for the sand. It was funny as we had blindfolded scouts jumping for no reason and bending over jst as a wave came in and crashed on them. We then had dinner and went for a walk and chatted over some serious but funny issues in our lives. Did this till midnight , and sat on one of the parents hammocks and played with my iphone for a while , eventually i got bored and called up shirely , talked to her for around 20 minutes before i had to hang up as two randoms raided our site lookign for campsite. After that we had to send the scouts and everyone else to sleep.
Sunday... Woke up at 6 to invest one of the scouts , its funny the site of a bunch of vents obviously half asleep standing on the beach waitign to be released so we could get some sleep... I dont really remember what else happened on sunday except that we packed up camp and then played a game of soccer , parents versed kids. Me, dav, jess and a few other scouts sat out and watched the game till it ended and we all went home. It wasa good camp ^^'
Because vio lost his camera somewhere along the camp, we got no good picture except for the random pictures jess took on my phone and on dinh's camera but i cant be bothered getting it so yeah ....

oh thats sneaky...

I've always known my parents to be sneaky and some what cunning around me , mostly because i usually undermine, exploit, backdoor all their rules and do things my way. But today it was a new sneaky!

since the Government have decided to give every child one thousand dollar each this christmas in order to help our dreadful economy , i thought i would miss out as on paper my family is "rich".
By 'on paper' i mean we own 3 houses on paper but in reality 1.5 of the houses are still under mortgages and we're still paying them off obviously.

This is also the unfortunate reason to why i DONT get youth allowance... but meh what can i do eh? I don't spend much anyways; dont buy expensive clothings, dont want an ipod or some shit every time a new one comes out. I'm not really a materialistic type of guy... unless it comes to bad ass camping gear then thats a different thing.

Anyways today they took me otu shopping, i went Paul's warehouse to buy a chin up bar so i can strenghten my upper body strengh so next time we go rock climbing im going to kick ass and do that backward slopping rock thingy ! I saw a billabong bag on sale so i asked if i could buy it , my parents said yes and then i started getting sus... BIG TIME.

My parents are the typical tight-ass asians ( no disrespect intended , you know its true) so when they agreed to getting me the bag after buyign the chin up bar thing , i knew something was up but i just held my tongue...

Then we went off to buy me a new bed, I've had my little single bed for a good 10 years or so, and i've started to grow out of it at the start of this year but i held on a bit. Ideally i would want a double tempura bed but lord knows i would never get one so i'll jst settle for a cheap double bed instead. In the end it cost us 980 including the stand and the matress and is going to be delievered to us on thrusday. So... from now on ! NO MORE FALLING OUT OF MY BED OR HAVING MY FEET STICK OUT IN THE ENDS! YESSS!

On our trip home , mom confessed that the only reason why she took us shopping was cause we btoh had the 1K the gov had given us. SEE I KNEW IT ! SUS! SNEAKKY !
oh and shopping for beds suck ! takes ages and the negotiating is like worse then the negotiation between a terrorist holding a group of hostages and the local federal authorities T____T

Ironically the next night i won't be sleeping in the bed , rather sleeping on the hard/soft/no idea sands and grass of Coledale beach as i'm going camping for the week end. So yeah wont be using that bed to Sunday LOL.

and did you know i wear size 14 bordies ?! i never knew till today , when hanny asked me what size incase she couldnt get me the special prezzie for Secret Santa. except because its between the both of us it's not really Secret Santa , its more like Santa? I think our limit is 20 dollars or something... I'm getting her a paul frank pencil case cause she wants one so itsa win win =D

Sickkkk

I hate being sick T-T
My nose is blocked
I got a massive headache
I'm occasionally coughing up random blood and form

And on top of this I can't look at a screen for more then 30 minutes without feeling like ongoing to drop dead in the next minute

I hate it how when I do get sick I'm competely out of it and can't do shot but to tough it out

Damn it I don't even have any medicine to take!

Gahh hope I get better by next Friday or else I'm in for a rough weekend

BEACH CAMPPPPPP

Oh by the way I won the auction for the metal one- door locker. If you've got no idea what I'm talking about, well.... Think american high school lockers, those types.
Finally a place to hide my stuff without my parents or little broter being able to look thru it ... Well that is unless they hack saw the lock but I'll doubt that will happen.



-- Post From My iPhone

Give way fuckwit

Today i told off my principal, Ms Coombes or some shit. These were the exact words that came out of my mouth "Fuck off ! right of way you fuck wit!".
seriously no joke. And the look on her face....? *whispers* priceless
This happen this morning after my morning swim and i was crossing the crossing between the youth centre and the fish and chips shop. I waited then i crossed and the dumb bitch still honked so i turned around and stood infornt of her car and swore at her. Fuck her, dumb fuck doesnt give a fuck about the road laws T-T
Watch if i get called up for this i'll tear her office to bits and set fire to it or someshit
=DD


-- Post From My iPhone

Really should be studying

I like to procastinate alot T-T

-- Post From My iPhone

running...

im running from reality...
in my own little world i still run away...
so where do i stop running?
when do i stop running..?

when i escape it all
when i can think without that buzz in my head
...

its been 3 years but we're still the same

It's been around 3 years since i've seen Paul and Anthony ( Anthong as Paul and I call him ) but after last night , I've realised we barely changed! other then height and built. ahahaha

Paul is still that kid that i became friends with in kindy, Antong is still that kid that's a bit random but in a cool way i met in year 3.

It's funny how my mum used to compare me to Paul and Anthony cause i was always shorter and lack the built. These days all three of us are evenly heighted, Paul is still more built then me , Antong is just insanely built. That mofo! ahahaha

I invited them to RYC skate night , so i could catch up with them. Like the title says, it's been a long 3 years since i've seen them. I barely remember anyone from my primary school years.. so i kind of have to rely on them to trigger those memories.

The DJ called in busy last second, so jimmy called me at 5 to prep my music and DJ gear. And by DJ gear i mean my laptop and my ipod filled with my music. T___T

RYC skate night was so wierd this time, all i did was "DJ" the whole night, it was really akward cause i listern to electro- house and pretty much different type of music to those teenagers listen to so it was kind of hard to do song request .. cause well i didn't have any of those songs. Oh BTW Thinh can't MC for shit xD.

and and and damn it dylan is so creepy T_____________T
all he does is stand around , once in a while twitching or randomly smiling and NOT TALK.
notice how he is always behind my group ? never infront.. ... stalker
he stalks Chris and Steven usually but yeah its really REALLY REALLLY creepy ...


anywayss back to Paul , Antong and I. After a while , i stopped "DJ-ing" and let david took over, he knows the new MOS albums more better then i do. so yeah he should've been fine with "DJ-ing".

Paul, Antong and I went off grab a few chairs and started talking about the shit thats been happening.
It turns out Antong got jumped by a group of 20 year 9s recently because he called one of them a "hardcunt" ... obviously Antong was right =='. Who the fuck jumps someone because they call you a hardcunt. If the world leaders we're like this , i doubt we would be living now... seriously its about time thoses idiots grow up and open their eyes man... for fuck sake they're 14-15 years old...

Well in turn of jumping Antong, Bun thi got involved and now the year 9s are shitting themselves ... one fight leads to another eh? But hey , it's funny how Antong is COMPLETELY calm about this , he even jokes about it to us. Though supposely Antong's dad wants to kill the kid too :S

We continued talking like this and plus various random topics/subjects and recounting all thoses stupid things we did when we were in primary or the last time i met up with them. This went on till skate night was over and then we walked over to the train station and sat on the tables infront of the fish and chip shop and continued talking. At around 10, we parted our ways and i walked home with my little brother.

Woke up this morning at around 8 and got on msn. Antong informs me that him and Paul saw the guy .This convo should be sufficient to explain what happen.
I'm the blue writing , antong is the black writing . =D

lol

after we went hom eyesterday

got to cabra

saw the guy hit me

LOL

rofl

kill him?

my dad and his friend full hit him

damn i shuldve went went with you

and like 30 of his friends stood there watching

ROFL owned kient

got stopped by them train guys

lol

lol anyone arrested?

nope

LOL

he was fully scared and shit

he was about to cry aswell

fully red eyes

oh damn .. man

you are one scarey connected kient

Lmao my dad's friend went full aggro LOL took 4 of them ticket guys just to hold him back

T__________T

dude .. thats insane

i wish my dad was like that :P

far iwas fully worried for that guy that got hit LOl

lol irony

my dad even threatened him LOL

"hit my son again and ill hit you with 20 other boys"

LOL

ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

owned owned owned

fuckn hell you gotta keep me up to date with this thing man

was paul there?

yeah LOL

rofl damn damn damn it! i shouldve came !

Paul was like one of his friend went he deserved it LOl

lol gahh next time something like this happens and theres two of you guys FILM IT for me!

:D

LOL thats slack man

but mehhhhhh ! i wanna see it xD

LOl

man 20 -30 guys stood there watching LOl

lol "wish i was there"

LOL

This convo should be sufficient to explain what happen.
I'm the blue writing , antong is the black writing . =D

man next three weeks are full of exams and assessments T___________T

another 2 hours with spray cans

Some times i think i have way too much time on my hand, other moments i know i need more
enjoy =D

like a stranger

Its funny how you may know someone for years and yet one day they reveal something about themselves and its like there a stranger again.

i really need to start saving my money.. too much impulse shopping these days.
Went out bought a hydration pack yesterday T______________T
another $22 dollars gone
man im broke .. i need a job ASAP!

2 hours and a few spray cans

Took the guys and i, paul and also the proffesional guy 2 hours to do that. Looks mad eh?
We're gonna do another one next monday. =D

walking into train station's chairs

Went hiking with today with the Duke of Ed kids ( Alice, Jack , Kenny , Mark , Vicky and various more). Woke at 6 , showered , packed my gear.. i know bit late but meh thats how i do my stuff , last minute repairs to my hydration pack .. stupid thing leaks so much.. then set off with Mark to Stratfield Station.

Met up with the rest at Stratfield, took the first train to Brooklyn . Those trains are so old T.T , the doors don't slide open anymore, you have to open them by hand so we discovered last year xD. I walked into one of those blue chairs on the station and now my shins hurt alot T.T

We had our little pep talk and groups started to set off... walked for a while the girls complained quite a bit "ewww this ewwwwww that yadda yaddda ickiiii ickkky" eventuatly they stoped and we started cracking profanity jokes , was some what interesting..

Took our first break at a clearing that over looked the bay and ate our recess. It was funyn because only the guys and I knew that this was the place where we were suppose to stop and break, i wanted to let the other group continue walking but nooo mark decided to let them know....

Continued to walk after this, it was mostly uphill, it would seem that Vicky has really bad fitness, with all respect , she was dead weight when it came to walking up hill... but eventually she got the hang of it.. or was that when we started walking on flat ground .. i'm not too sure which...

Nothing happened much untill we got to around 3/4 way of the hike, one of the groups ahead of us told us that one of the year 9 girls , Sharon, had fucked up her legs or something and she couldn't walk .. so they went back to help/giveherpiggybackrides. My group mucked around for 10 minutes or so till we decided to call Parker and ask if he needed any help. He said he needed a stretcher, so the guys and I went looking for poles or branches that were strong enough to support someone. When we found the poles Jack and I carried them up back the trail give or take 2-3 km till we found them then I set up the stretcher, because noone had any rope i used jackets and jumpers to make the stretcher , rope works much better though =S. In the end we had to carry her all the way down, it was slow but we got there.

Who would've know all those years at scouting would come in use after all eh?

i need sleep NOW

For the past 3 days i've been staying up till around 1 am to 2 am trying to finish off work and waking up at around 7 to continue to finish the work.. so yeah im some what sleep deprived...

tina gave me my knife and screen protects for iphone on tuesday.

wednesday: woke at 7 planing to do work.. showered for 15 , spent another 30 minutes cleaning and muckign around with my phone , spent the next 15 minutes deciding whether i should put change my screen protectors or not.. T.T spent 2 minutes to installed the screen protects anyways so now i have a whole screen protector <3! Went tutor with jen in the arvo, went off ate a kfc snack box and fucking hell they're small! also ate two apple pies and ice cream =)
Aunty said i've improved in my writing since last week so =DD

today was a hot day.. so fucked up.. i need sleep.. going scouts later then stay afterwards to watch the scarey movie T.T

dude i hate scarey movies T.T. I get nightmares.. then i end up stealing one of teh various nightlights around my home and leaving it in my room for a week untill all those scarey things go away...

* shivers* the thought of one day i would possiblily have to amputate my own arm off if things goes wrong in the bush and i can't get help.. ><

saw through the skin,flesh, veins, nerves then break the bone off..... ewwwwww

Oh on thursday a funny thing happened to me in physics. Ms Zhang gave me career advice ROFLS! heres how it went :
z(zhang): patrick you seem to enjoy physics very much.
p(patrick): uhh yeah i find it interesting , how things work and all...
z: you should do a course in engineering at uni, you would excel in it.
p: ahah nah ms i'm planing to do ADFA after year 12
z: ADFA?
p: australian defence force academy , you know ms defence force and all
z: what?! noo you would get killed in afganistan
p: ROFL LOL LOL ms dw australia isn't offensive orientated as the US, i'll prob pick up a engineering course when i do adfa anyways
z: but its such a waste..

LOL wierd cause i used to cause alot of trouble in her class and currently i dont excel in physics , im just an above average student ...

Above and Below - The Bravery

"Above And Below"

Ooowwww
Ooowwww

Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Causing living makes me feel ashamed

Ooowwww
Ooowwww

I must believe
There's more above us and below
I must believe
Stranded with this bitch called hope
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is go
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is disappear

If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear

The city moves
Lunges up right from the ground
The seething Earth
It opens up and spits us out
This vicious child
Nature never wanted us
This vicious child
A cancer burning black into it's heart

If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear

Ooowwww
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Causing living makes me feel ashamed

If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
I'll turn my back and disappear

Mini me

Friday 24th August:

Woke up to a surprisingly sunny day, which is normally a good sign for me, a good start usually means a good day. ahah i guess shirley can make it sunny, that lostie noobcake.

IMAX was so awesome , love the whole 3D effect thing!

Luna park was alright, though i didn't get any work done... but then again i doubt anyone did xD bwahaha!

Kelvin drop his nuts on the RANGER! funny as shit, We're lining up for the ride and every time the ranger spins up side down, he starts to hyperventilate and we're just sitting their cracking and laughing at him.
Kelvin: " alright i think i gotta MAN up!" * closes eyes and starts praying*
ROFL!

During the ride Chris and I started poking and taunting him trying to get him to shit himself xD
fortunately he didnt.

We all went RYC afterwards, Jack, Chris and I walked to David and Danny's house to give them some "zoids" episodes...
Man their house is so awesome, bloody gym gear and a mini FRIDDDDGGGEEE!
i swear the Tang brothers are tank as fuck ... never mess with them ... no matter WHAT!

Afterward i poped on home , quickly changed , watched some stand up comedy , Tang brothers popped over, walked back to RYC ready for the skate party.

Played a short game of hockey , man i feel so naked without my goalie gear >< roflcopters... a few near misses somewhere there :S
Guest started arriving so we put away the Hockey stick and pucks, and started playing uhhh " dodgeball on skates"? By around 7 the ammount of people had tripled, with a quarter of them being my scouts and their parents.

YEAHHHH! NATHAN CAME! i love that little kid he is so awesome! i tried to teach him how to skate .... i think i semifailed in that.... his so cuuutte! * pinches cheeks* BWAHAHAH!
That kid is so going to grow up like me and be a MINI ME! bwahaha!

somewhere later during the night, we played truth or dare; thanh kissed me on the cheek bleh .. , i slapped thong's arse, vio sucked on thanh's earlobe, shirley lam licked alice's elbows, i "caterpillared" myself a small distance.
then our game was broken up cause we had to find kenny's phone... we looked everywhere still no sign... sorry mate...

everyone started leaving and all , alice had to wait for her dad to come pick her up so i stayed back and waited with a few of the other guys. 30 minutes or so later, her dad came home and picked her up. We parted , jimmy and mark got picked up as we were walking towards my house. Alice called asked if i was going to get in trouble for coming home late, i lied, i said no. No point letting her get worried or guilty for a decision i made...

And just as i predicted, the moment i opened the door and my parents noticed i was home, my dad started giving me shit about how all i do is go out, play games, watch tv blah blah blah .... i never bother myself explaining my reasons to my parents any more, they never ask so why should i ... to a point i've become "immune" to my parents screaming and the shits they give me , i just block it out, go to my room and pre-occupy myself...

While i seem like im doing fine in life, i know myself im not, my head is tossed in confusion and frustration over what happened during the past few weeks, my heart tells me to do one thing, my mind tells me to do another... which do i follow?
my family issues aren't getting any better, i feel like running away but i know i can't. i have nothing , nothing to support me , nothing to soften my landings, nothing i can rely on.

right now sleep is the one place where i feel as if im normal, my problems fade away , my head clears itself up and i can do what i want , where i want , when i want...

gahhh! what a fucked up day

Man today was such a fucked up day T.T
Kevin got smashed into a wall today by Daniel, good thing Kevin didn't hit him back or else he would've gotten suspended .. AGAIN!

i am going to make Daniel's life a living hell and the good thing is i don't even have to hit him! Because he goes to scouts, every time there's a shit job i'll allocate it to him, every time we go camp i'll fuck him up a bit. I've warned him before , "fuck with my little brother and i'll make sure you'll regret it" Obviously he didn't listen so now i am going to fuck him up so bad....

At tutor today i accidently spilt hot tea over my maths book and myself .. it burns T.T and now i have to waste more VALUABLE time rewriting it all up ... man i just bought that book like a week ago too...

bleh i'll just use it for Tuan's spare work i guess...

On the lighter side of life, I WAS RIGHT TUAN WAS TIRED AS SHIT TODAY! He slept while we worked, baby must have kept him up. Oh the baby's name is Mikayla , such a white name ROFLS!

Note to self: When my wife is pregnant call Tuan back for advice ROFL!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TUAN!

i completely forgot about this
CONGRATULATION TUAN! YOUR A FATHER!
may she be the joy of your life!
and you would make a great father ! i know you would!

and you lucky guy!
girl for a first child!
because we all know girls are better first childs then boys!
they have more responsibility! and if they have siblings they will rape others who fuck up their siblings!
BIG TIME!

When shit happens, call GUNNERthefuckenLEGEND!

Monday : One of the scouts , Jess Pham , who i treat like a sister , felt like shit on Monday after camp due to Selena the "lawnmower" snoring decided she needed a day off. I offered my place, cause she lives near so its fine and its easier for her. At recess she rang up vio and i , walked to the front gate, gave her my keys and off she went to sleep/crash at my place. At around lunch i rang home and told her Jack , one of the guys was going to come over so she could open the door for her. Just to make the situation more fun the password to open the door was " Edward Cullens", its some character in the twilight series and the girls at camp were making fun of it... Of course the whole password thing never happened, Jack jsut called home and told her to open the door when he was at the doorsteps. I went home at 2:30 and chatted a bit with Jess, all the guys were also over so it was somewhat noisy i would say. The school rang up Jess's mobile and asked why Jess jigged school and all. So by now Jess was in quite a bit of shit, we decided to call up GUNNER the fucken legendary and told him about the whole situation and asked him if he could do something about it. We've yet to find out what he said but we do know the outcomes. Jess got let off with a warning so what ever GUNNER said it must have been effective. Fuck i love that guy , just mother fucking awesome!

Tuesday: Went home at 12:30 , watched NRL on tv , NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS FOR THE FUCK WIN!
Then i got bored and started texting , bwahahaha ! A baby pooped near Shirley rofls! A few hours later , i called her , talked for 2 hours or something, hanging up every twenty minutes so the calls are free xD CHEAP ARSE ASIANS! =)
Went to sleep at 1 am after finishing homework and watching Russell Peters on my iphone. Mom woke me up 3 hours later to show me that Kevin had fallen asleep while watching is mp4 T.T. After that my dad raged and started screaming at both me and my mum so i didnt get much sleep ... man i felt so stoned today ...

In the morning i asked mum why she showed me kevin with the mp4 and she was like , oh because i wanted to show dad but he didnt want to see so she showed me i was like.. wtf?
T.T

Man shit is getting bad at home... Dads more demoralising and shit since Optus' been cutting down on cost and hence firing employees... He fucking comes home and shit first thing he does is start swearing and telling me off for anything that is out of place... and he specifically targets me too, he doesnt do it to kevin or mum just me.. its like wtf... i got my own problems too T.T

All i need my parents to do is hold out for another year and then after the year ill take over, get a job start paying the mortgage off and the household bill...

fuck i hate having to grow up so fast.. dont even get to fucking enjoy my childhood...
at the age of 7 my parents started taking me out to go watch auction, in a way to teach me how to buy a house... so instead of staying at home watching cartoons and playing with my toys i learnt how to buy a house... so much for my childhood

Jess is fucking right , i cant wait to fucking get out of this house ...

pocket knife cuts

What a week its been, start of school, start of year 12 , discovery of the truth but to end it an awesome camp!

School started this week, Free periods are the SHIT! I have a free period on monday, tuesday week A and friday week B. Which means i can watch NFL on monday and tuesday , though i miss half the game on monday. and OH MY GOD! I can't beleive New York Giants lost to Cleaveland Browns! WHAT THE FUCK! New York Giants won the damn superbowl last year! I blame Mannings , Kient can't throw the ball straight and has no strategy in his calls!

Random Fact 101: Shirley called me when the Giants were about to make a touch down cause she was paranoid ROFL!, the giants didn't make the touchdown , got intercepted and Browns ran the whole field and made their touchdown securing the win T.T . so funny, im like screaming WHAT THE FUCK , guys taunting me and shit shirley is going what are you guys doing, you seem busy.

Wednesday , Went tutoring with Jen , like how we used to , popped into Woolies to go buy some camp supplies for the weekend and a bar. Jen told me about how my bad past before Steph caused HQ to lessen or stop talking to me completely. I'm some what pissed off about this, she knew about it, dissapproved about it and didn't ask me about it. I would've been happy to tell her about it, and tell her the whole story but the time never really came. So when she found out , she decided to keep it to herself and keep her first impressions about the situation. This whole sit could've ended differently but it didn't so there's no point me pondering over it, just going to move on.

The thing about camp is when people go camping , food becomes a big problem. Most people resolve to buying packets of pre made dried pasta, tuna, anything but meat because meat tends to go off if you dont store it properly. Fuck that man this camp i brought, kranksy, steak and lamb chops. The lamb chops came out FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, even though it wasn't seasoned.

ROFL first night in Gunner, Chris ,Vio, David and i get drunk while eating beer food.
Gunner: " I'm not drunk boys, the ground is just wobbly" ROFL! im sure Gunner.
Gunner is fucking hectic. His like that awesome guy that directs you the right path in life but at the same time the fun path! He taught me how to drive manual !

Fucking i love using my kayak, in the rapids and flat water. Just feels so awesome. Surrounded by all that peace and water. You look around just fascinated by the scenery and nature. It's just lovely. Then of course some fuck stain Scout comes in and disturbs it, then i just capsize the fuckstain and take his paddle bwahahahahah!

anyways im tired, hence i shall sleep!

Fuck i hate my life

Steph called today, when i was walking to tutoring , asked if it was okay if she could talk about the things we went through during our relationship with other people... like seriously.. why the fuck would she need to ask me ?! I've discussed it with other people... Couldn't she have made that decision herself?

Fucking Dad's been breathing down my back lately so much it's really starting to be a piss off. All he ever does is compain about all the small things i do, whether if it's playing dota on the computer or using my iphone to help find us directions to the nearest petrol station... Like seriously , GIVE ME A FUCKEN BREAK!

If you didn't want me to be addicted to dota/gaming that much , then maybe you should've thought of that when you took it away from me when i was a kid and forced me to do hours of maths bullshit of which i ended up cheating and copying the answers off anyways!

And for once in your life , Dad maybe you should stop demoralising me for once, i mean the only reason i fuck up in life is because of YOU! Your motto of life: " fuck self confidence, just fucking listen to what i say and do it , dont fucking ask questions, dont fucking think about it , just fucking do it. And if you fuck up , its probably cos you didnt do it the way i told you to do it"

But you know what FUCK THAT it doesn't work that way , i'm not a robot , i have a brain and a mouth , i know how to think and i know how to speak.

Because in reality, when i GROW UP i NEVER want to be like you.

recent inactivity

Its been a while since i've blogged, the main reasons are cos i got my iphone and i've been "pimping" it up so i can have uber fun with it. WHEN EVER WHERE EVER. and also cause i've been sick so i just really couldn't be bothered with blogging.

So heres a catch up of recent events

Went with dad , last friday to get my uber iphone <3, took a very akward train from Regents Park all the way to Town Hall, walked along George St until we reached the Sydney's Apple Store. AND OH MY GOD! it is beautiful, Glass building, with a lit up white apple symbol in the centre of the front. The customer service , there is really awesome. From start to finish. The "Apple" girl that served me was even hot =D. So now i am a proud owner of a 16 gig ( really its 14 gig ) and many illegally downloaded apps from the itunes appstore after jail breaking it. Jailbreaking refers to unlocking the iphone's full potential , nothing to do with breaking out of prison...
But yes i've become enormously dependent on the iphone, It's got so many apps on it , that its turned into my map directories, my whitepages, my contactbook, my calender, camera, weather man, music player, phone ( yes it is still a phone T.T), photo album, internet, diary AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST MY MSN MESSENGER =)

Hence why i am so very reliant on it.

We had a party on Saturday at the Scout hall, not many people came but still it was fun. Mostly cause it was only advertised through emails and not by word of mouth. Like usual we talked about some inappropiate things, of which i hope will never leave that room of ours. And to my supprise, Jess admits that she considers me to be like her brother, i've never really seen her show it but if she says it i guess she means it? To tell the truth , i always considered her brother, James as to be my own brother, we share alot of thoughts during camps xD. In fact i've always considered most of the scouts to be my family, reguardless of age... with the exception of dylan.. his just wierd :S

David and Dianna are a bit ... hmm how should i put it... still in disreguard of how they act around people... But after how the parents reacted to seeing them, i would be correct to assume, its going to be less lovely dovey. (Note a few entries back , David asked me to make a few modification to a part that concern him and Dianna, i did so without asking why, you just have to ask )

Oh and about HQ , i am completelyand utterly out and over with that... situation. Because in the end reality caught up and hit me the face. While i may be angry over the turnout of the situation, i'm just going to once again distract myself from it and move on... because in life thats how i cope. Guys if your reading this, don't remind me please... i really just want to let it go. Would be of most appreciation.

On a lighter note, My family went out to eat Yum Cha at Rhodes, expensive but i must say very nice. Love the desert, Mango crepe with mango and icecream inside. heavenly =D. I also went to buy a case for my iphone. During Yum Cha, i also found out a very distrubing fact about my mum, She has spies everywhere =(. Alot of people in Cabramatta know my face and if i do something that doesnt meet her criteria , she would find out about it. She even knows i went Karoake last year... and that was between city and Sefton , no where near Cabramatta... wonder if she knows i got drunk ? =S

Lets hope not shall we?

oh Hanny and i were mucking around, and we some how ended up with this..
"I love you with terms and conditions"
©.patrick

Sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ... T.T

Heres a tip for people out there, If theres a pool/pond/lake of -5 degrees water , DONT JUMP IN!
If your a guy, you'll come out as a girl simple as that.

I swear either gibber trip or paintball made me sick... Throat hurts, Stuffy nose and everything feels as if its on fire.

Kevin went off to camp today, i hope his going to be alright and Amin doesn't bully him ...

Its been a very busy day for me... even though i'm sick. Dad and Mom went off to grab the scout's trailer to buy some stuff from flower power so they could finally finish off the backyard's garden... its been half complete since we first moved in ... in 2003? so 5 years after we finally try to finish it off..

They came home with a trailer full of red wood chip, i helped out and help them unload the whol thing... man definitely not good for my health T.T

I went tutoring at 12 , i was so lost from a combination of sick and hungry ><.

Came home at around 2, help dad load the new washing machine we bought for gramps, into the trailer and tied it down. Thank god for all those time Gunner taught me those knots and tying down techniques eh?

Mom and Dad set off once again , while i stayed home , ate lunch and grabbed some rest.
Woke at around 5 , back on comp , watched some old movies i downloaded and play a game of dota... lost too.. really should give up on that game...

Man i can't wait for tomorrow, finally get a new phone after using that shitbox of a phone of mine for over 4 years...

<3 IPHONE!

All i have to do is wait another... 15 hours T.T
CANTWAITCANTWAITCANTWAITCANTWAITCANTWAIT!

Paintballing

Waking up at 630 am and i already know today is going to be awesome. Rocked up at RYC at around 720. Called up David , only to find that he was still asleep surprise surprise... Next time I'm calling him an hour before any event to make sure he wakes up and gets his arse to where he needs to be ahahahah

The attendees of the events were me , jack , jimmy, david, mark, kelvin, thanh, sharon, carmen, carmen's friend william, AMIN the gronk!, andrea, shirley (lam) , duong's brother tin and also thong and anne.

The rates were quite cheap 22 start up and 18 dollars for every addition 100 bullets so im very happy about that ^^.

The first game , we played with randoms and it was quite shit. Everyone was scared of getting hit and all. In general there were way to many people and because each of us had only 100 paintball start off so we played a bit conservatively.

The second game was a bit better but it was still really bullshit. It was a "attack the fort " type of game. No one won that game... most of us were cut down by the people defending cause of the uphill runs. I made it within 30 metres of the flag ^^. We flanked from the left and still got owned. Mark and I were on the left while the rest of the team where on the right , when Mark got shot and outed , there was no way i could get the flag . Cause the plan needs two or more people to work. One runs while the rest provide cover fire.

The third game was when it got interesting. It was Capture the flag from the middle and bring it back to your base. The first set, Thong got the flag and got it abck to base without us even knowing, then Amin got the second flag. The second set was where i showed my awesomeness (h). Whistle blows, within the first 10 seconds i was half way across the field and grab the flag and ran for it. The second time i ran in Jack, Thanh and I squished into a little bunker and decided that i would run for the flag while they stood and provided cover fire. Counted to 3 and the plan went into action. It look just like in the movies , looked so cool.

After that we had a muck around game , no surrender rule, just either give up by pain or run out of paintball. I unloaded a good 20 on some kid who tried to hide behind me and without knowing around 10 on Jack... In the end it was Jimmy, David , Andrea and I who were left standing. I nearly took out Andrea within the 5 metre range, cos i sneaked up behind her and i thought sh had moved but she didn't and i sweeped out ready to fire my last one on her but she was too close so i stood down. Andrea unloaded quite a few on David cos he just gave up. So yeah Andrea won by default cos she still had bullets left, only cos she never rushed with us at all durign the games.

but all in all it was fun
and we all got bruises except for Andrea ! T.T

Oh i forgot, Bruise count

Patrick- 12
Jimmy- 2
Danny- 4
David- 1
Thanh- 7
Mark- 4
Kelvin- 2
William- 5
Amin- 7
Jack- 6
Sharon- 3
Carmen- 3
Shirley- 4
Andrea- 0 T.T

Tanking it like a vent!

You may have noticed that i haven't been blogging for quite some time, this is mostly because tof the fact that i felt like shit by failing maths T.T and also because i feel bad because Kelly is graduating and leaving me behind... i am so going to miss her.

On Friday, i went to school, even though it was the last day and i knew nothing was going to get accomplished. I was surprise to find that many people who went to the cruise on the previous night actually went to school... Most likely to give in their clearance forms i guess. Even though Kelly asked me not to scream out her name during graduation i did it anyways =D. It was quite loud actually, the screaming that is , even HQ.

Speaking of the devil, me and HQ have been talking ever since i first met her, not one day has gone past where we haven't and the good thing is , i never start the conversation, she does ^^. She webcam-ed with me to show her a new dress she bought for a wedding and is currently webcaming with me for no reason ... so i guess we're getting some where

Anyways back on track, I went gibber trip on friday and slept over at Danny's house, his house is pretty nice, i didn't sleep to well, ended up texting shirley and HQ until they told me to go to sleep. xD

And fucking oath, David and Dianna......they make out every chance they get, spend every moment hugging and doing......couple stuff....they should atleast......try and hide it abit.......why?....umm....cause there are kids around.......but hey......i guess they love each other so much they couldn't give a crap what happens around them.


But back to camp, through out my whole life , I've never read the instructions to setting up a tent but god damn it , our vent tent wast hard to put up... weirdest tent ever! large but weird!

During the camp i went abseiling, rocklimbing, joyriding the the back of a ute, made and lit a campfire , played a campfire game called word association, did many push ups, went canyoning /hiking, swam in -5 degree water, walked thru a heck load of bush and really sharp plants, received 15 deep cuts to the leg and washed a bus
:)

We also invested Dianna formally into scouts and also the other scouts that have yet to be invested into vents. We did it so wen the abseiled down, we held then during the hang so they couldn't reach the rock face but at the same time couldn't go down at all , so they were stuck. WE invested them then held them there for a few seconds while asking random questions just to drive them crazy. It was really funny watching them scream on the top of their voices , insisting they have to get down and reach ground.

Canyoning was also fun, got to try out my water boots =DD. They are awesome keeps water in and also out and as durable as hell!

Sometime during the camp, dylan came to dinh and asked if he could talk to me in private. Some time during Lunch , when i had finished my burger Dinh asked me to go talk to him alone in the bus... something of course i did... and it go no where.. from what i hear during the "conversation" is that he wants to get along with everyone. The thing is he can only achieve that if he puts an effort to get along with everyone, something he doesn't try to do... Like for example, i met up with Chris from Narrellen Vents and we greeted like old friends, joked around and teased each other a bit, dylan doesn't even greet him like cmon seriously...
What good is it to help someone who doesn't even want to help themselves...

Well after a shower and a good dinner i went back to msn and hiuy and me talked for a while till i got a call.. from HIUY!
We talked for 2.5 hours.. 0.0 ears were red as afterwards. zzzz
man its 12:10 and im still webcaming with her xD

LOL

Jack gave me this site which show de-motivational posters, they're funny as hell !
observe

Missed by that much...

School was pretty blah today...
My body still hurts from children festival. Back and muscles still don't feel the same ...
On the other hand i spiked in volleyball today ! AVP style! Though it was a shifty spike ... bent off my hand slightly...
Note to self- Jump higher! Have more air time! and AVP it ! =D

11 hours of sleep...

I'm writing for both today and yesterday as i was too busy and wasted to blog yesterday.

Waking up at 5am in the morning , walked over to Dinh's to help Vio and Dinh pack the trailer. It took around an hour or so...
Arrived at the Scout hall to further pack the other trailer with our poles, rope, cooking equipment and grab the other scouts and vents.
At around 8 we were at Paul Keating park, First thing first, unload the trailer, everything off. Built our gate with a bit of variation to make up for its incompetency. By 10 or so we had our first victims... uhh i mean customers. For activities we had the cyclone, The mini catupults and Rock 'n' Roll (human pinball).

By 12 we went off to Bankstown Centro to window shop and to hopefully miss out on the parade, which we ended up missing. We met up with Tina and went to Myers, tried on lots of gear , all of which we couldn't afford of course! Me and Tina also took some luvos, well Tina did really...

yeahh... i normally don't take luvos, but i seem to be caught in the moment and it just kind of happened.

Bianca came at 2 pm , she was waving at me and all but by then i was so out of it , i didn't even noticed her.Took me a while to noticed her but by then she walked off, i called her and she came back, we said hi and had a bit of chat and she went off with her friends.

Everything ended at around 9pm , got home, felt smashed like hell. Pulled a total of 3 muscles, both hands have splinters from the poles and constructing, my hand feels like sand paper 0.0 and the occasional cuts on my arms. Went to sleep at midnight and slept for a good 11 hours.

Woke up today at 11 am , my whole body is in so much pain ...
i need more rest ...

Social shopping

If there was ever a a disease for shopping too much, i would be close to death now. I walked to the station at around 940 , i was close to the station, when i saw julie waving at me and telling me to hurry the fuck up as i was going to miss the train. I sprinted , went up the stairs taking two or more steps at the time. I just made it.

Arrived at around 10am at livo and met up with Hanny. I told Julie something that she wouldn't let me put down for the rest of the day and when Hanny found out she joined in , with questioning me in excruciating questions about my personal life. From then on it got kind of dull, going from shop to shop , looking at different dresses that all up looked the same to me but just in different sizes and colours. At around 12, midday Hanny went to get her eyebrows waxed, to tell you the truth they look the same before and after .... all in the name of beauty eh?

We went to eat after that , i ate the new Subway sandwich, Sweet chilly and honey chicken. Foot long and made into a meal =D. I ate while Hanny and Julie continue to question me about my very personal life. Eventually i gave in hoping they wouldn't ask more questions but nooooo it never goes that way does it?

With Hanny still looking for a dress and me and Jules complaining about our feet and tiredness, I convinced Hanny to let me go to Sefton station and look for Hiu-wan/cute girl ^^' or now known to Hanny and Julie as Codename Bianca. How we got to Bianca is a long story, one to tell another time... Anyways as we were on the train Hanny and Julie continue to question me but this time it stopped after i told them something that i was really not suppose to tell...

We arrived at Sefton station at around 3:05 , Julie went off home , while me and Hanny stayed to chat and wait for Bianca to arrive. During this time we devised a system which allowed me to point or locate out Bianca or other people to Hanny and vice versa. It involves using the clock face and the person's position relative to either you or the other person. eg. 12 o' clock, * describe person*. After a short wait i was able to point out Bianca to Hanny at a distance, we decided to move in for a closer look , pretending to check up on the time table again and looking out for friends that may have walked home. We were able to get relatively close and without asking we met up Minh of Year 10 who helped us in this process.

We went to Bankstown afterwards and continued out shopping, during of which i met up with Tom and Lien of Bankstown Scouts. Eventually i went home at around 530 and arrived home at 600.

To my surprise, the moment i got on msn , Bianca asked me if i was at the station and why i was there... I didn't even know she had recognized , let alone remember what i was wearing =O.

But all in all it's been a fun day. =D

a hint of happiness

With all my exams over, the only thing that is going to be worse then my exams are going to be my results... zzz should've studied while i had the chance. Maths is going to own me ==', i hope i'm not forced to go down to 2 unit maths... parents would kill me.

Lets see, My parents are going to rage at me for my horrible maths results, Tuan's going to tell me off like no tomorrow when he finds out. Frankly I'm more scared of Tuan's disappointment in me then my parent's rages...

Tuan is cool , his like a role model for me. =D

For a guy still in his twenties , he does pretty well for himself i must say. Has his own business, able to fuck over the tax system with it too LOL, married and soon to be a father, has heaps of spare time on his hand and his cool with little kids. ^^'

Yes when i grow up i want to follow his footsteps =D and be just as awesome as he is.

BOOYAH! nothing like a 5 day weekend to finish off my exams =D.
And i even get my ps3 back.

Oh because i was hard at work yesterday trying to relearn everything for maths , i didn't get time to blog, sorry. Highlight: i gave the keys to the guys so they could crash my place after their fundamentals exams and i told them , to vacuum up the place a bit as it was getting dusty and the occasional dirt from every time they crashed and me not completing my chores. I told them to clean up my room and the living room a bit since its usually where they hang out. After my biology exams, i rocked up home and i noticed they did a pretty good job, it wasn't until after tehy left when i took a power nap that i noticed what a uber job the guys did when it came to my room, everything folded, packed away , bed tucked and all. Maybe i should make the guys a set of keys =S. ahahah i don't know i'll take it into consideration.

Today's highlight other then my maths exams: During sport, we played a game called DODO , which involves tackling and strategy. Let me explain , there are two teams , each team takes turns crossing the line and while they're over the line they must say DODO continuously in one breath. Their objective while over the line is to tap as many people as they can return to their side safe and sound. If at any time the person stops DODO while over the line they are out, players of the opposing team are allowed to tackle the player in an attempt to pin him down and make him run out of breath , hence not being able to say DODO any more. The game really revolves around fear, bravery and strategies. And today i must say i saw something very brave, David took on Thanh in a straight on tackle , i flanked behind Thanh and help take down him down.All in all it was really fun and awesome, though really takes the breath out of you... I think while Thanh was struggle and trying to escape he may have accidentally striked my damaged and healing ribs. They hurt now ... But meh i'm sure i'll be fine.

Happiness is back =D Bitches!

Note to self: redo all Tuan's work to prepare for a major flaming session =='

rain rain go away ...

Nothing like waking up to the sound of rain tapping loudly against your window. It's 5 am and my Ipod's alarm doesn't go off for another hour. From that moment i knew what the rest of the day was going to be like. Sluggish, a lot of procrastinating and bored.

I canceled out plans to go study at the library as I didn't want to risk getting sick and missing my exams.
I started with biology , oh how much i hate it. Too much theory for my liking, i would say. Going through my head is the thought of failing 3 unit maths and being asked to drop down to 2 unit. (Hopefully it won't come to this and i just beat the year's average , and why am i blogging when i could be studying ... see procrastination!)

I've never really been a believer of the guy/girl/being upstairs but i think now is a good time to start... I just need to get 70 % in my maths and i'm good. =DD so don't let me down and give me a miracle please. Considering it a present for my 16th.

By the way i think i found my happiness, except i still need to pursue it...

Oh guys COME CHILDREN FESTIVAL! it's going to be fun =D
I'm in charge of one of the activities base that represent scouts so guys come !

zzzzz i can't wait till Tuesday is over, i get my ps3 back and finally get to play my game
Metal Gear Solid 4 ! i'm coming!
and i got social dress shopping to look forward to with Hanny and Julie ... 2 girls , 1 guy and shopping ... probably not going to end well but then again who cares !

Note to self #2

Move the punching bag to the spare living room , before you end up puncturing a whole in the study rooms back wall =S
ITS ALREADY DENTED ! ><
and i need a new fone , my "indestructible" fone is dying on me slowly... been a good 2 years
I want an iphone so i can blog on the go =D

Nothing good ever happens after 12am...

Well i lost already... It turns out due to bad planing the situation didn't turn out too good. Hiu ( the cute girl ^^) already developed feelings for the other guy as he asked her out on thursday, *sighhhh* missed it by 2 days , 48 hours, 2880 minutes, 172800 second. Though I'll give points to Jen for trying! Nothing like a leap of faith , only to plummet down further... Greattt... * Sarcastic tone and roll eyes*

Once again I took my anger on my punching bag. It's got so many dents in it, I kinda expected them to kinda re-inflate back to itself after i was done, but i guess not. Some scars never leave eh? I kind of twisted my ankle a bit , it hurts when it bends sometimes =X

I'm still not convinced that Jen only did it, because Hiu and I would look cute together =S. No i think its more under the lines that it would've removed me from my state of depression. Awww well at least it was worth a try. (Jen don't rage at me for this , it's just how i feel)

So next time I'm still up after 12, midnight . I'm never going to take a leap of faith or do anything big. Because nothing good ever happens after 12 am. Just shut it out , close the door and go back to sleep... Because nothing good ever happens after 12 am...

Still in my head...

Like a nightmare that won't go away, it still haunts me day and night. As much as i have tried to distract myself from her , in reality it's really not working. And its nearly been a weak.
I woke up today at 10 am, feeling completely normal. 30 minutes later i feel a spark of anger and frustration, from that spark grew a flame, from that flame grew a wild fire. While i don't remember why i got that spark, i do know she plays a factor in it. I went down stairs to take out my frustration and anger on the punching bag. I nearly ended up tipping the whole stand, punching bag weights and all ...
All up i spent today doing nothing, when i was suppose to study for biology , oh how I'm up for a long weekend. I gotta move the punching bag stand , finish off biology notes, RELEARN not study everything for maths.Man Tuan's going to rage at me when i ask him all these questions on stuff i was suppose to know already...

i hate it when i put things off and say I'll relearn it later, Because i never do ><. And now I'm paying for it. Note to Self: When HSC comes round BE MORE ORGANIZE!

For my sake, i really hope i do well in this exam, i need to get at least 80% or else my parents might pull me out from Tuans ... i want to stay. I like it there, it's fun and i learn more then maths there. For example, how to play the shares market, how to cheat in exams ( though not encouraged to), how to have fun generally.

We even get fed there. Pizza For The Win =D ahaha , he even shouts sometimes =D

Oh i was interested in some year 9 girl, a few weeks back and now with the help of Jen , she knows i think shes cute and I'm interested. While i do appreciate the push Jen , something is telling me in the back of my head, that this isn't going to end to well. Well its either that or the effects of spending too much time on the computer.

If this doesn't end well I'm making a new rule for myself, "Anything that happens after 12AM isn't good , if anything does come out after 12 AM , turn off the lights and go back to sleep. Just go back to sleep"
But for now lets just hope for the best shall we.

Note to Self

Write less in blog entries , been writing over 500 words lately . =S
God i sound like Kevin =X.
Lets organize paintball for Post-Yearlies =D
Anyone up for it? =D

Apology

After much thought and some advice from Dinh, I have decided to apologize to Dylan. This conflict is over nothing but pride so why let it continue? No i think it's gone far enough. So first thing I'm going to do when my exams are over, I'm going to apologize to him , and what ever he does from then on will no longer be my problem as I have accepted my faults in the situation and if he can't accept them , all I can say is at least i tried.

I did my Physics exams today , one of which i know my parents won't be too happy about. While i know i tried my best , my parents will definitely not see it that way and once again will try to push me into some tutor that they think will benefit me , so long as I'm ahead of the year's work... Hasn't worked before , doubt it will work now...

I did alright for my Biology Practical exams , though i made some silly mistakes that could've easily been avoidable, if i studied earlier.

So all up thats 5 Down , 3 to go !

When I was a kid , i used to look out the window as it rained, completely off in another world, sometimes i miss that feeling. The feeling that i could just leave everything behind and just enjoy the rain as it falls on the backyard's grass, that one tree that would later be cut down. In fact i miss my old house, so many good memories and yet so many bad memories. If i was to ever inherit that house, i would never sell it. Never.

But right now, I miss the snows of New York and Toronto, I miss last December, I miss America and it's fast food and massive superstores. I miss going paintball on New Years Eve and setting off fireworks later on that night. I miss the fact that i was with her before i went to America...

I miss it because right there , right then . Those very moments will be the moments I cherish the most , when I grow up and think back on what I did after I finished my School Certificate.

What really gets to the me about my situation with her is the fact that there is nothing I can do without comprising her happiness. If i tell her the truth , it will affect her relationship , and mine with hers. She may even call me selfish for disregarding her happiness. But if I don't tell her about my feelings, it will just continue to cut deeper into me.

Ironically, i tease Jennifer about the situation she's in , Some guy likes her, she likes him but she doesn't want to get into it seriously, but he does. Jen if your reading this, listen to what I'm saying : TELL HIM NOW AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH, DON'T DELAY IT. While it may hurt him now, it would only hurt him more if you delay it. Now repeat those words after me Jen and put them into action.

But then again Jen's right about me i got issues and i need to solve them ASAP!

At least it was fun in tutor today, Auntys' Sister is truly AWESOME =D . Now if only me could make our normal classes with Aunty much more smaller then it would be perfect. I'm used to small classes...

Supposedly, Doris cut herself today, on the hand and the blood got onto her shirt and she coughed up blood afterwards. I don't intend to be mean but how did she cut herself at school? Some say from glass... But that only raises another question, Where did the glass come from? And if you cut your hand I'm pretty sure you don't cough up blood afterwards... What is she hiding..? Internal Bleeding? Or something potentially more dangerous?...

I noticed, my year has major social issues, we have class and hierarchies... something that I'm sure isn't suppose to be happening in public schools... but then again i could be wrong. It's no wonder my year has been branded as the worst year in 5 years. ahahahahah

Man I'm bored, I need another distraction, I need to go camp actually... Nothing like the outdoors to clear your mind i guess =D

The Pursuit of Happiness

After staying awake to talk to Hannah about her chem exams , my problems and to watch the new Gossip Girl episode , i went to sleep at around 1am ... only to wake up at 6 am to ring Hannah to tell her to study ahahahahah ... then returned to sleep till 9:45. If your wondering why i was able to sleep in so late , it was because today was my first day without exams , a day i can relax a bit while doing my physics notes... of which i think i have done very well on ... but lets get back on track.

During my studies i watched quite a bit of movies that were on my computer's hard drive, ( i got 3 x 300gigabyte hard drives). One movie which i found to be quite interesting was , The Pursuit of Happyness staring Will Smith and his son, Jaden Smith.

"We hold these truths to be sacred & undeniable; that all men are created equal & independent, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent & inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, & liberty, & the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government shall become destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, & to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles & organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety & happiness." - Thomas Jefferson , The Declaration of Independence of the United States Of America

No i didn't read it , i just wikipedia'd it , But somewhere along these lines or it may be afterwards, it discusses about the "disturbers of harmony", which got me thinking about my "disturbers". One of which i know vaguely but have yet to specify and class. Personally i would think it is unfair to just say my "disturbers" are her , my exams and society as a general. No i think there are many more factors that have contributed to my disturbance of harmony.

But what i really like about this extract from the Declaration is that Thomas Jefferson said, "The Pursuit of Happiness" rather then entitlement to Happiness, i agree with Jefferson , one must pursue their happiness it will never come readily to oneself. Happiness is one of the things in life that is priceless , and at the same time could cost you nothing . Because in all , it is really up to you , no one else to find your own happiness.

A happiness i have yet to discover.........

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,24324047-5014239,00.html

Mean while at the Franco- Swiss border , Scientist have turned on the world biggest particle accelerator. The accelerator cost 6.64 billion dollars and took 20 years to build. Apparently scientist are trying to recreate the Big Bang, only smaller. Many have criticized that this could mean the end of life on Earth as it would create a Black Hole and Earth would be sucked into it. People all around the world are celebrating as they hope to go out in style, so this lets me question my self, if the world was to cease to exist right now ... what would i do? what would i say? To who?

Though i find this whole idea of the experiment to be quite stupid as, while we have yet solve our own problems on Earth , we are creating more problems?

All those kids in third world country , who can't afford food,shelter, security are being ignored as people half way across the globe burn money on an experiment that may even fail... Global Warming .. solved? nope... Equal and respect of human rights across the globe? Not even close world ...

6.64 billion dollars, we could do a lot with that money , 20 years , thats a lot of time, in fact it's more time then how long I've been on this Earth.

Why are we trying to run when we've yet to walk?

and if we're truly going to die... then WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO STUDY FOR?!

Once again , Someone has asked me , whether I am going to my social or not. And once again my answer is still no.

Why ?because lets face it , What are socials really for ? There a day where teenage kids can put on make up, dress up and pretend to be someone they're not. It's also the day where we basically realize that truly its the popular kids who run the show , who call the shots. And if you're a popular kid and you know it , its the day where you show off your social status , your pride , all things that makes you think your better then the rest of us back on Earth. But by the end of the night who are you ? Just another human being on this planet, another one us trying to make it through life.

If you ask anyone in my grade, what did they remember the most about the year 10 formal? I'm sure most of the people you ask , won't remember a single thing, why? Because they're wasn't anything special that day , just a day that was normal cept they went out at night . Personally i made a memory that i will never forget, Walking with the guys to Circular Quay Station at 1 at night, carrying close to 70 Balloons then walking around Sefton as we carried the balloons, occasionally posing to take pictures with the most random object and the balloons and me. After that crashing at my place... Ironic eh , the only memory i enjoyed was after the Formal, not during =D

These days, i'll do anything to distract myself from my situations ..."

Because sometimes suicide becomes an option in life...

No I'm not suiciding , its just how i feel at the present time. I feel shit about the situation I'm in , I feel worse because i have exams, i feel worse because my dad keeps putting me down about the smallest things in the world. To top it off i feel more alone then usual. Even when I'm with my friends, my mind is never with them , it's always distant thinking about it again... Yet to solve my emotional problems ... zzz for another day i guess...
Though the talking to friends and various other significant people in my life except her has helped me heaps, it's not as haunting as it used to be two days ago. And in the English exams, it didn't come up once saving me prob a good minute or so? ahahah gotta make the most of my time in an exam i guess

I think i suffer from a light case of Monophobia.

It's an acute fear of being alone and having to cope without a specific person, or perhaps any person, in close proximity. This 'closeness' might mean in the same house or flat or even in the same room.

Except I'm not really in fear of it more of it bugging me constantly , in general when I'm alone , I feel as if I'm vulnerable to society and it's harsh attitude towards the type of person i am...

Note: How I type properly now =D. Trying to improve my English as i go.

Well on the upside , one thing did happen that quietly entertained me, due to our exams going into lunch slightly and my ignorance that our mixed volleyball team was actually away rather then on home, our volleyball team left without us. When I say us i mean 80% of the boys, supposedly there were only 3 year 10 boys who actually went to the game, while the rest of us missed the bus. Today was probably my first and only time that i will ever see i class for "non-sport" that is overfilled and made up of mostly Grade Sport year 11s. 90 % of the class was made up of Year 11s , the rest were like 5 year 8 or 9 kids who just couldn't be fucked going to sport. Of the 90% , 70% belonged to mixed grade volleyball. So yeah i just wonder whether we won any of the matches or not =S?

edit: Probably Kunjudikudi thinks I'm the reason behind why all none of his year 11 players turn up for today's game since i did threaten to strike out on the team one day =S. Wonder how this is going to turn out for me ? z.z

All in all my situation is pretty much the same , except its slowly enlightening itself as people have told me it would. I've also decided to follow the advice of my god sister, Kelly Huynh, to try to forget it and focus as much as i can on my exams , and also the advice of Jenny Huynh of Bankstown Scouts, "just smile and wave Patrick , everything will turn out alright =D"

i just noticed , i know a lot of people who have the last name Huynh , my middle name is Huynh by the way .. if anyone is curious.

Extra note guys: I really don't mind you guys reading this even though its suppose to be my private blog , i would appreciate it if you guys did not spread the link around without asking me as i have no wishes of this blog going to Dylan. I've always had the option between making my blog completely private or slightly private , i decided to make it the latter as it would allow easy of access to my friends and the people i am close to .

And it begins....

To start off the day i had my modern history exams , i think i did quite average , but once again my thoughts are on things that shouldn't be there. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail my physics practical exams but on the other hand prob half the grade is going to so I'm not too worried about it...

if only i can get this whole situation out of my head, every minute it haunts me , every second it haunts me . oddly enough the only time it doesn't haunt me is when I'm doing exams , if you don't count the various few second blank out i experience...

If only she hadn't told me before my exams , if only.....

after trying to sleep for 4 hours, i thought of another possibility that may cause why its so hard for me to take this in, maybe its because i loved her , yes i mean love , none of the teenage bullshit that all teens assume is love.. maybe eh?

or maybe its that I'm just so emotionally attached to her i find it hard to see her with a different guy...

Anything i do , eventually relate back to my problems its like a poison that i can't cure...
Some times in life i wish i had a remote that could turn back time , pause time , fast forward time... but then again who doesn't?

The guys have suggested that i should go out with someone else to forget about her , but that's the problem , i can't go out with anyone till i deal with these emotions I'm feeling right now, even if i do the whole relationship will be torn apart because of these emotions and that would put another person in misery... i don't want that ... i just want to solve my emotions now and let them flow away like paper on a river...

then again think back maybe i could've avoided all this, maybe i should have been better to her and our relationship would've lasted long, maybe if i went moon festival with her , she wouldn't have gone out with that guy ... just maybe

In a world where everything moves so fast , i just wish things could slow down and let me think for a while....

Cos' all i need is time...

suppress your feelings and let them arise another day...

i always knew this would come but its harder to know how i would feel...
Maybe its because of my bad experiences with girls that i feel this way ?
or maybe its just because im worried for her ...
but there is nothing i can do , for i should be happy as long as she is happy ...
so where does that put me?
its hard for me to just "suppress" these feelings , especially because its about her.... and what we've been through
she says i will always hold a special place in her heart but i know this isn't true , it never is.
It won't take long before she forgets who i am , what i am and was to her...
To make it worse my exams are around the corner, i spent all night arguing with myself whether i should at least warn her about her own actions because we all know that love does crazy things to the brain don't we?
i decided to warn her , because if it is because of my inaction that she gets herself in a situation in which the only solution is to turn back time , i could never forgive myself. Because I'm her god brother, a position of which i take upon seriously, whether it is my action that would ensure her safety and happiness or my inactions.... i must put her happiness above mine...
TBC...

as far as im concern, its over

well its nearly been a week since the fight and guess wat ? ITS ESCALATED
dylan is bent on trying to turn my group against me, my friends against me, and everyone powerful in scouts against me.

hell he even went to scouts with intentions of smashing me
so wat should i do ?
i say i let him , let him have a go
if he does, he 'll get expelled from sefton, expelled from scouts and shit from his family

but from what i hear his gonna kill me so ....
here leme show you ( if you cant see the convo zoom in with ctrl+scroll for firefox and IE7)

- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		patrick.
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		yo
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		apparently, dylan is gonan kill you.
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		and he's doing it because you treat people like shit and all at school, and he's standing up for everyone else and himself.
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		go lets see how far he gets
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		as far as im concern its over
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		and you do things to people or act in some way, and like he's trying to stand up for everyone.
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		and apparently it's my fault or someting, because I talk to Diana and Dianna and Jessica and Cathy.
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		look if he does anything to you anything at all you run right to dinh
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		And that everyone besides me and jessica are on your side. because we like you better.
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		or cathy cos she knows shaolin bishes!
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		ROFL L
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		huh everyone bside you and jess?
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		eg, only me and jessica are on your side. O_O
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		or everyone is on his side.
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		lol really?
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		Yeah :L
"syncthekick!"		- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		since wen did ppl side with him>
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		never.
- [b]selenalol[/b][c=0]‹3 [/c] - patrick, talk when online please.		"syncthekick!"		he said that

which puts me in a tight spot =='
im all for the "never back down" motto but if im going to get killed its not gonna help me much ><
There is no way in hell i can take on dylan if his got a weapon so probably its in my best interest to run if he starts drawing weapons.

and fuckn chris his so shifty ... supposely dylan trusts him out of all the guys so =S

FUCK AND ALL THIS SHIT JST BEFORE MY EXAMS TOOOOO
mini rageeeeee