Everyday i try my best to move on. To stop thinking about you. To stop reminiscing about our happy moments. But every time i get somewhere you push me back further.
You say you'll give me space. i feel as if im suffocating.
You say its for the best, i agree. Yet my heart doesnt.
The truth is i don't know whether your doing this to torment me or because you have no idea. But i really hope it is the latter. I hold my own tongue because its the 'mature' thing to do. But i can see the judgement in everyone else's eyes. I will always be the bad guy in our relationship. always.
Between us there are so many unanswered questions. i dont know whether to demand an answer or just let it slip. im afraid of the answer yet im also afraid of the doubt that eats away at me every moment i think about these questions.
I'll admit i used you. used you to colour up my own dark world. It was easier to ignore all shit from people when i was with you.
Everyone, even you, say its all in my head, but thats the thing are you in my head? can you see what people do when it comes to me? can you see how they treat me? no. You have no idea how i feel when people treat me like shit and get away with it. my self esteem was already shot down. now it is just none existance. I cant feel a sense of self worth because im always being looked down upon. Constantly. It never stops. I cant hide, i cant run from it. It will always be there.
the truth is i want to die. sucide feels like an easier path right now. i want all this shit to stop. everything. i cant handle it any more. ive done nothing wrong. why is it my burden to carry. please someone. anyone. end it for me. i cant keep doing this. it just hurts too much.
im sorry i feel this way but the fact is when youre invisible to everyone but just a few, your life is shot down. and i really cant do this any more. i cant live . i dont want to.
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