like a broken record, it plays over and over again

Sometimes I really wished I had a 50 calibre sniper rifle, not to shoot nor to kill but only to pull the bolt back, put a blank chamber and pull the trigger just to hear the bolt clack back into place as the round spins and rockets down the barrel. Leaving only a flash in the muzzle brake as it leaves the barrel. The only problem is I imagine myself in a dark room, in a corner, doing it over and over. Clacking the bolt over and over again.

Maybe its because I've been watching a lot of military documentary, maybe because I want to join the defence force so much that even when I'm awake dreaming of it. Whatever it is I need it to stop. I need to return to reality. Return and stay there for the rest of my life. I can't keep staying in this fantasy world. This world where anything and everything is possible.

Let me return. Let the record play again. Please