i expected better, especially from you guys

I've always been the one who had your back after all these years. I've always been the one willing to take the blame and clean up your mess . I've always tried my best to give you my honest opinion, my advice and my help whether or not you thought you needed it or not.

I didn't HAVE to do these things, I CHOSE to. Why? because we're friends.

Lately I've noticed that you guys have this "can't be fucked" attitude or even a "we're so shit, we'll never win" attitude. I am actually for once extremely disappointed in you guys for this. I've known you guys for atleast 4 years and I've never seen this attitude from you guys, ever. That was my attitude, that was me not you guys. I was the one that cut myself in year 9, I was the one who always saw the cloud before its silver lining. You guys were the one that pulled me out of that darkness and yet you guys now walk towards it? WHY? I don't understand this massive change in direction, especially because this is our last year together, as a group , as Blue406. I thought we were going to embrace the good moments, look past the bad and hurt that's happened between us. What is going on? What brought upon this attitude?

There a few things that you guys don't know about me because the truth is i could probably never admit it face to face, my pride gets in my way and this is one of them.
After the Trials, I've been relying on you guys for moral and spirit support. My break up with S, left me lost, left me alone like never before so i turned to you guys, my friends. When you guys say we can do it, we can do anything or anything similar to this, I believe it. I believe we can achieve anything if we just try, if we're determined enough, if we're persistent enough. I'll believe anything that comes from you guys cause right now its all that i have left to cling on. So when you guys start having that "can't be fucked" or "don't try because we're going to lose anyway" attitude, I swear a little of me dies inside. I swear I feel like killing myself right then and there because it feels like everything else I'll do in life will be a failure, will result in nothing. I swear I feel like I am worth nothing to anyone. Every time you guys give me this attitude I try my best to convince you its not like so, but in the end more and more of you seem to give up as time goes by.

But right now I'm sick of this bullshit attitude. I'm done trying to convince you. I'm done trying to save you all, when you guys don't want the help. I'm done. From now on I won't let you drag me down. I will not let you hold me back. I will do things for myself and only myself. If you want to be saved or helped then i will help but other than that forget it. It's just not my problem anymore. It is up to me to help myself, i never should have relied on you. I should have known better and now that i do, it will never happen again. I promise you that. I shall be selfish. That i promise.